I Want It Back

I want back that incandescent orange light!
That surrogate womb that safeguarded me.

It never did matter
What could be going on outside…
The safeness, protection and peace
That place gave me
Was astonishing.

It saw women come and go from my life
And exactly there I was able to be me.
Even around them.

It saw love flow from every pore of me,
Lustful, sinful, extreme and gentle, all of it.
The best my life ever had to offer.

It also saw pain.
All the tears I could never allow my eyes to shed,
All of the screams that shattered even before hitting my throat…

Throughout it all
It gave me a certainty of a future yet to come.
It gave the safety of having something stable.

What now?